We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
