I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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