I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
