you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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