They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I am midnight drunk by noon
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
