Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
