3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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