So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
