i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
