This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
