he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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