You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
