According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I need to calm my uterus...
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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