I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
