cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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