He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
