My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
