Life is so much better after having sex.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Terrible idea I love it
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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