i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
