Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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