there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
