Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
