Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
