I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
i've created a new STD.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
