OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
How does one acquire holy water?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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