The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
