just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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