We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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