grandma shit on top of the toilet
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
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