He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
