can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
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