By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
