The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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