Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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