ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
