Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
