hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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