in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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