Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
