i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
