What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
