just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
