Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
