I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
