I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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