Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I wish i was in the wii world.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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