So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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