i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
