dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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