Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
