god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I've blown a few things in my day
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
