everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
my shit smells like andre
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
