Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
